Slapping the Spinach

I was born a carnivore. 

When I was a baby, my Dad tried to feed me spinach. He held the tiny spoon up to my teensy face, gently insisting. I scrunched up my schnozz, furrowed whatever brow I had, and slapped the spoon of spinach out of my father’s hand!

I showed him who was boss! Ever since, his nickname for me has been “Chief.”

We reminisced about this on Father’s Day. 

Spinach has always nauseated me. Especially raw. Yet I’ve obediently ingested it in countless salads frosted with creamy dressing.

The one and only time I thoroughly enjoyed spinach was when my aunt simmered and served it in buckets of butter! The thing is, even though raw spinach made me physically ill, I still only feared the fat! To me, this was the unhealthiest possible way to eat my veggies. Today, even avoiding dairy, I know that the butter was better for my health!

My Dad has since made up for those green years. For what feels like a decade of birthdays, he’s treated me to my favorite restaurant in New York City: Churrascaria Plataforma! I call that beautiful Brazilian steakhouse “The Meat Parade!” The gregarious waitstaff flow from table to table in a kaleidoscopic cornucopia. Rare steaks, juicy chops, grilled octopus, birds wrapped in bacon… it never ends!

Naturally, I can’t stop smiling through all of this. Until now, I attributed that ceaseless grin exclusively to pleasure. Steak alone makes me happy. Add amusing banter with family and friends, and of course I’m smiling! 

However, my newfound nutritional know-how suggests another angle: I was also feeding my brain. My euphoria was enhanced profoundly by the fat, protein, and micronutrients in meat! All the more now that I skip the bread, broccoli, mashed potatoes, and even booze.

Our annual steakhouse tradition foreshadowed my eventual embrace of a carnivorous diet. So did my lifelong aversion to spinach!

Babies instinctively know that meat is food. Hence the mantra, “Eat your veggies!” We never have to say, “Eat your meat!” And that’s the phrase that should’ve caught on, if only because it rhymes! It’s definitely catchier. And healthier. Let’s make that a thing!

Since having my mind blown by the truth behind carnivory, and nutrition in general, I’ve had subsequent sub-epiphanies that feel almost equally impactful. As I listen to podcasts, watch videos, and read everything I can about this lifestyle, more and more ideas click. Eventually, enough of them click to snap me out of yet another delusion.

Most recently, I’ve been obsessing over the anti-nutrients and toxins in plants. It’s exciting to see this topic ascendant in the community! I’ve been particularly inspired by the work and words of Drs. Georgia Ede and Paul Saladino. Thanks to them, I’m clearer on oxalates, lectins, polyphenols, and other plant weapons. Veggies don’t want me to eat them, and I am all too glad to oblige!

I seemed to know a lot of this stuff as a baby. Most of us do! It’s instinct.

But from high school in the late ’90s until three days ago, I’ve barely gone a day without caffeine. And these carnivore docs are reminding me that caffeine is a neurotoxic pesticide! I’ve known that for a while, but never taken it seriously. Another blind spot caused by cultural conditioning.

The sun is rising as I write this. I’m at work, enjoying a moment of downtime before it gets busy again. I’ve been up since ten o’clock last night, when I awoke for the graveyard shift. In the past, I relied on at least one dose of caffeine to start the night. Now, all I need is a shot of raw liver!

Seriously ― raw beef liver. It’s so powerful, I can’t eat it before bed. I prefer veal liver, which I chop into chunks and keep in a glass jar with sea salt. When I need a boost, I gulp it down cold. The flavor is mild. The effects are intense!

Without ever expecting to, even as a carnivore, I have replaced coffee with liver! I’ve also begun to eat way more fat. My energy has been simultaneously calmer and stronger. All thanks to my ancestors, who figured out this whole nutrition thing and lent me a body built for nommin’ on beef!

Each of us approaches a healthier lifestyle with a unique history.  But ultimately, our divergent paths connect at the birth of our species.

What we carnivores share is that which truly unites all of humankind.

Just ask a baby!